Do Not Resuscitate

Is it just me or is Together really boring? I finally watched a full episode and am thoroughly reminded of the reasons why I never did manage to sit through one in the first place. It is just s…o….s…l…o…w. Even the way Jeanette Aw speaks is s…o…s…l…o…w.

Ok, maybe I picked the wrong episode to watch, because everyone seems depressed and, except for the roughly edited fight sequence at the end, nothing actually happens. Really. Nothing. Nyet. Nada. Zip.

Depressed from feeling responsible for what happened to Tarzan, Dai Yang Tian sleeps all day. He sells fish (or so they tell us because we didn’t actually see it). He sleeps at the stall. He starts sewing. He breaks up with Jeanette Aw. She decides to marry someone called Pork Bones.

Zhang Zhen Huan accepts a bribe. He goes to the toilet. He wonders if he should accept the bribe even though he’d already accepted it. His girlfriend takes him to the big house her father bought for them. He goes to the jewelry shop. He has dinner with Eelyn Kok. He gives her a “diamond” necklace because, according to the subtitles, her birthday was timely. He goes home. Oh and Tarzan canceled his wedding plans and goes to look for the Mountain Wolf who busted his nuts.

Oh who cares? There’s so much intrigue and excitement in this story that I fell asleep somewhere between the toilet and Pork Bones. And when I woke up I realised I’d rather be watching lemmings jump off a cliff.

I’d rather have the Pussycats

So it’s been a while since my last post, partly because I’ve been away a lot and partly because The Ultimatum just about turned me off local television. Plus, since then, there have been a slew of local series that have been less than inspiring. I mean, come on…The Polo Boys? What’s that about? The return of Phua Chu Kang? Yikes. Nothing much to see and much less to write about.

That is until I chanced upon an article in The Electronic New Paper yesterday, which asks an interesting question–”where are the Singaporean heart throbs?”

According to the article, the new “triumvirate”, as the writers call it, of young hunks at the moment are Dai Yang Tian, Elvin Ng and Zhang Zhen Huan. Really? Triumvirate? As in Caesar, Crassus and Pompey? I think not. Afterall, this trio aren’t exactly powerhouses. They’re flavours of the month.

Some would say that it’s only a matter of time before they take the reins from Tay Ping Hui and Christopher Lee. But I beg to differ; pecs and abs and a pretty face are simply not enough to make a heart throb.

If they were, then The Polo Boys would be a guilty-pleasure laden runaway success, wouldn’t it? After all, with so many pretty boys all in a row, how could it be such an abysmal flop? (If you don’t believe me, check the ratings. It really be a dud).

Perhaps what’s needed is star appeal. And star appeal is about more than pecs and abs and a pretty face. To really separate the men from the boys, you need acting chops. You need screen presence.

After watching a few episodes of Together, I have to say the boys have just about as much screen presence as a gnat. For instance, take Zhang Zhen Huan. If you blink, you might just miss him. He seems like a nice enough guy and he certainly plays a lot of these nice guy roles, but an actor who does not make his presence felt is just a face in the crowd.

And what about the Blistering Barnacle that is Elvin Ng? While there’s a noticeable lack of glares and flared nostrils this time, his bumbling bafoon in Together is an absolute dead ringer for Archie’s friend, Moose.

D-U-H...

Think about it: if the series was in English, Elvin’s sentences would be punctuated with “D-U-H.” Can’t you just hear it? Especially with that voice?

While there is certainly nothing wrong with channeling Moose, there’s something not quite right as well if all you do is channel Moose. Playing caricatures doesn’t a leading man make. Heck, even Tarzan has Lord Greystoke.

And what about Dai Yang Tian, the boy some say would be king? He can speak Mandarin as easily as he can sneeze. Great. And this is a plum role, with more dialogue than his erstwhile Japanese photographer in The Little Nonya. Even better. In fact, he has the best role of the lot. But, in his hands, Lin Xiao Bei is uninteresting. There’s something lacking; be it character complexity or simple screen presence or both. This is a boy playing a man’s game. He is all flailing arms and legs. He does not command the scene. He says the lines but he is not compelling. He has no presence and he does not carry the series, despite the plum-ness and significance of the role.

Tay Ping Hui and Christopher Lee can carry a series. These three boys cannot.

So what’s become of this triumvirate? Well, they ain’t no juggernauts. They are Archie, Jughead and Moose.